I meant to read this at bacon camp that just happened today but I have stage fright and my friend told me that they might not have time for more presentations so I figured posting it would be good enough. Enjoy.
It is 2 am and I silently tip toe into the kitchen. I approach the holy temple and I carefully open it. My eyes wander over the plentiful feast in front of me and then I spot my precious gem. With trembling hands, I remove it from the fridge and lay its succulent body on the counter. Like a kid running to open Christmas presents, I search for the corn meal and plop a handful on a plate. I turn the stove on and with a chuckle, I go on the ultimate bacon frenzy: I am picking up slabs of bacon and placing them in the cornmeal. It needs to be covered in as much crack as possible before dumping them onto the the sizzling hot pan. My five pieces are turning a brilliant red and its thick aroma lingers in the air. My mouth waters in anticipation as I place the first ones onto a plate covered with napkins. I continue slapping on more pieces of bacon on the fiery hot grill and fill the plate with piles and piles of yummy goodness. I run out of bacon and exhausted, I turn off the stove. I take my plate over to the table and grab a carton of Orange Juice on the way. I am ready to be your slave. I want you to take me on the wonderful bacon journey of perfect happiness. I want to love you forever. I delicately place the first piece in my mouth and I start chewing. Emotions flood my system and I start crying in ecstasy as the juicy bacon nectar wrapped in crispy cornmeal flavors dance sinfully on my tongue. I savor every bite and lick the last bits off my fingers. I pick up a second piece and then a third. My stomach gurgles in approval while my loins yearn for more. I chug the Orange Juice to both quench my thirst and to clean my palate for each round. And so I eat and eat and eat. I don’t know how much time passes but I don’t care because I am filled with such joy. I hear a gasp and I awaken from my trance. I look up to see my girlfriend standing in the doorway. I raise my hands covered in bacon guilt as I try to explain to her that it is not what it looks like. She trembles and yells ‘How could you?’ Before I am able to respond, she runs away and I can hear her tears pitter patter across the hardwood floor. I am dazed, not knowing what to do. I get out of my seat, ready to go comfort her but then a voice tells me to finish the bacon. I sit back down and I think: ‘Is it really worth it? Should I be eating this piece of bacon?’ And then, I put the next piece in my mouth.