Stay Away: Three Highly Addictive Components

Here are three things that God deems as important and they have the same main ingredient: crack. (Don’t “crack” me up. Sorry, bad joke.) Enjoy.

Carmex – Put it on your lips and you will want to make out with yourself. The burning feeling on your lips is like bengay for the soul. You’ll start slathering this stuff on your lips as enthusiastically as your bald neighbor slathers magic hair cream on his head. Carmex is god. Remember that.

Cheetos – If you follow me on twitter, you’ve probably heard me say how amazing cheetos are. The orange crack-filled coating is marketed to kids who obviously don’t eat enough junk food and somehow cheetos are able to get away with its odd curved penis shape. You are a sick sick person.

Computer and console games – You think you’ll only play for ten minutes before you head to work and four days later later, you’re still there but surrounded by empty bottles of coke and half eaten bags of chips. Your body is trying to adjust to the lack of action and your left eye starts twitching as your hands start shaking. When you eventually beat the head boss with your level 82 archer, you collapse onto your bed and break into a cold sweat. And then you pop open another can of Coke and do it again, in hope that you will beat it in less time and with your newly created character: the blinded folded paladin. For those of you that play console games, do you know how many different versions of Mario Brothers you’ve played in your entire lifetime? Think about it.

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